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[October 27, 2009 7:44pm] |
I think I'm suffering from separation anxiety. I miss my boyfriend everyday. And it's weird because it's not like we don't see each other anymore. I see him about three times a week despite his very busy schedule!
I don't have anything to write, really. Just that I miss my boyfriend badly. :(
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[October 17, 2009 11:43pm] |
Found
faster than a shooting star
baby you stole my heart
i never want it back
i never thought it'd be like this
so surprised by your kiss
i didn't have time to react
believing in us
feels so dangerous
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never wanna find your way out
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never want to be
you never want to be found
i feel so strange because of you
i have everything to lose
i wouldn't have it any other way
if this turns out to be a dream
please don't wake me
i don't want to leave this place
believing in us
can feel so dangerous
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never wanna find your way out
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never want to be
you never want to be found
what a lovely mystery
all the ways two hearts can meet
we were made to collide
you and i, you and i are lost
baby we're lost
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never wanna find your way out
when you're lost lost lost in love
you never want to be
oh, you never want to be
you never want to be found...
what a lovely mystery
come on get lost with me
what a lovely mystery
come on get lost with me
get lost with me...
get lost with me...
get lost with me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:)
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[October 14, 2009 6:31pm] |
I'M BACK!
Literally out of the hell hole that was OB.
So, it's been six months of clerkshiT. I'm done with Pediatrics, Surgery, Obstetrics and Gynecology and am now, sort of, back to school, Community and Family Medicine. It is a respite, considering that we just came from two months of labor watch and fighting with difficult patients, "accidental" moms (imagine an 18 year-old Gravida 5, nasampal na naman ang matres ko shet!) who always seem to go on labor in the middle of the night (latent phase of labor at that!) forcing us to do labor watch for more than 12 hours straight. Fun right?
I'm quite proud that I survived Rizal Medical Center's OB Department which gained notoriety due to the non-stop admission of patients in ACTIVE labor, two patients in each bed, mind you! And there are 6 beds in the labor room! It also helped that I was on duty with my boyfriend at the same hospital (he was rotating in Pediatrics at that time). That was the ONLY saving grace. God really has a way of making things bearable.
Nakakatawa dahil sa tinagal ko sa clerkship, nagkakaroon na rin talaga ako ng sungay. And it's a bad sign because it reflects what kind of doctor I will become in the future. OB has got to be the most toxic rotation in all of clerkship. But it doesn't mean that we didn't get to have fun, or that we didn't get to laugh once in a while. We just take it all with a grain of salt and find something to laugh about in the midst of all the toxicity. Believe you me, it drives us to the very edge of our sanity.
6 months and 3 posts completed. I wonder what's gonna happen to me come April 2010. Hmmm....
I'll post anecdotes soon! =p
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[September 13, 2009 8:10pm] |
This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
I've been waiting on my own, too long
When you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
Start to forget how my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feelin' like I can't go on.
Turnin' circles time again
Cut like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cuz' it takes something more this time
Then sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet?
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
Cuz' whose to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you notice life goes on
Won't you kiss me on that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singin' ain't this life so sweet
This years love had better last,
This years love had better last. :)
~~This Year's Love
David Gray
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[August 18, 2009 9:50pm] |
Hello, friends!
I think I have forgotten how to write. Seriously. These days, all my sentences start and end with "the patient". I go home just to sleep sometimes still with my uniform on. Hay...
I work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Really, all you can hope for is an occasional "thank you".
***********************************
One year na kami! :)
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| BE-NIGN. |
[June 13, 2009 9:12pm] |
I'm updating my livejournal on EJ's laptop (without his knowledge, of course) while he's monitoring his patients in the Labor Room. Haha! I'm finally done with my rotation in Pediatrics after two months of being scared shitless. I love kids, but kids as patients? I think I'll pass. I'm now rotating in Surgery and so far...I ain't seen nothin' yet. Well, a few bruises here and there, open wounds, multiple lacerations, few broken bones, carnage at the ER, nothing major really. (I'm hoping to see an open cranium. Hehehehe!)
It's my last duty at UDMC's Department of Surgery! :( I've scrubbed in on a few interesting operations: Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy, Hemorrhoidectomy, Fistulectomy...well, they're not really that exciting at all. My job is to retract to give the surgeon more space to explore the surgical site. (Whaaaa?? I don't know how else to put it. Haha) Anyway, I'm leaving for Metropolitan Hospital soon and in two weeks, I'll be back at the most toxic place all Junior Interns are dreading to go: Jose Reyes Medical Center. But when I think about it, the more toxic it gets, the more opportunity there is to learn. So I think I'll just treat everything as a learning experience and hopefully, by the time I finish my rotation at JRMMC (without demerits, I hope!), I'll be able to hold my own at the ER or at the OR. :)
So before EJ catches me updating my LJ on his laptop, this is Thea signing off. Til the next "benign" duty!
A bientot! :)
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[May 08, 2009 10:19pm] |
Hello LJ-ers! Hehe! I'm still alive...well, barely. Haha!
I've been a clerk for a month now and I've been stripped of my ego and self-esteem. I'm no longer the girl who walked confident, thinking that I would be able to apply everything that I've learned from my medical books. Nevertheless, I'm in this for the long haul. I'm not quitting just because I heard an earful from consultants, listening to their never-ending tirade and insults...that I'm not good enough or that I won't make it through internship. I'm getting the hang of it, actually. I used to complain a lot before but now, benign or toxic, as long as I'm doing what's expected of me, then all is good. :)
Rotating in Pediatrics was nothing like I expected. NOTHING. Spent countless sleepness nights monitoring patients and studying each case to prepare for endorsement rounds the next day with the most mapanlait na consultant! I can say FEU has taught me well. Learned a lot from top-notch residents and PGIs.
I'm now in Jose Reyes Medical Center and I'm learning a lot even if super toxic!! Imagine monitoring 30+ babies (q1) while catching babies all by yourself! May IV push pa, heplock, IV insertion, etc, etc. Work, work, work. But I'm having fun. I'm learning and that's what matters. Looking forward to more learning experiences (with or without sleep)!
More kwento when I'm not so sleepy anymore. :) Good night. Sleep is now a luxury for me. :)
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[March 27, 2009 1:31am] |
"Bata ka pa. Hinay-hinay. Baka malubog ka ng husto, hindi ka makaahon."
Sakto.
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[March 21, 2009 1:11am] |
Clerkship starts in a week. More than anything, I am terrified.
This is the real deal. No more lectures, classroom sit-down exams, written quizzes, shiftings, etc. Everything we've learned for 3 years will be put to the test.
This is the real deal. We can't undo mistakes just as easily as we would a written exam. You can always do better when you flunk a test but in real life, you can't erase something that you have already done. My being indecisive might cost lives.
But I'm still grateful to God, that He has, once again, helped me see my dreams to fruition. Thank you God, YOU BROUGHT ME THIS FAR. I know you'll get me through this. Help me see You in my patients, and help my patients see You in me.
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[March 13, 2009 3:10am] |
Another great song from Rico Blanco. :) Sapul na naman e! Akong ako talaga! (Naaalala ko tuloy yung sinabi sa akin ni Paul, "kung gusto, gusto. Kung ayaw, ayaw." Hehe!)
Si Joan kaya ulit ang tinutukoy ng kantang 'to? Flight attendant kasi e, tapos yung first line iniwan na daw siya ng eroplano! Hehehehehe! Pwede diba? :D
Masarap siguro kapag kinakantahan ka ng original composition, tapos si Rico Blanco pa! Ayus! :D
Antukin
Iniwan ka na ng eroplano
Ok lang baby
Wag kang magbago
Dito ka lang
Humimbing
Sa aking piling
Antukin
Kukupkupin nalang kita
Sorry wala ka nang magagawa
Mahalin mo nalang ako
Ng sobra sobra
Para patas naman tayo
Diba?
Chorus:
Sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
Ng walang takot at walang pangamba
Tadhana'y merong tip na makapangyarihan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Pinaiyak ka ng manghuhula
Hindi na raw tayo magkasamang tatanda
Buti nalang
Merong langit na nagtatanggol sa
Pag ibig na pursigido't matyaga
bridge:
Long as we stand as one
Ano man ang ating makabangga
Nothing will ever break us
Wala talaga
As in wala
coda:
Hahalikan nalang natin ang kinabukasan
Ng buong loob at yayakapin pa
Tadhana'y medyo overrated kung minsan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng...
Baby, gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
(from Rico Blanco's multiply site: amillionflames.multiply.com)
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[February 28, 2009 1:31am] |
YOUR BOYFRIEND SUCKS
The Ataris
You're better off without him, don't call him...
He's breaking your heart.
He's hanging with your best friend and your waiting there,
It's tearing you apart.
He lied to you a thousand times,
When I was there he kept you waiting.
And I'm still here waiting there
To catch you if you fall.
I don't know why I care so much
When I shouldn't care at all.
Finally got the nerve to tell you
How much you mean to me you said that I was your best friend,
A real sweet guy, but that's all I'd ever be.
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| I'm back! |
[December 23, 2008 12:11am] |
Wow! It's been almost a month since my last entry. Everything's been going great and I've never been happier.Maybe, being the loneliness junkie that I am (or was), I've been so used to feeling so miserable that I'm denying the fact that I'm actually happy...
Things have been going really great. And like I told John, I'm not SOILed anymore. (S.O.I.L., a term coined by my friend Mel which stands for Syndrome of Idiopathic Loneliness). Just to enumerate, here are some of the reasons I no longer SOIL myself. Hehe
1. He's close to my family now. He's met my cousins on both sides and they seemed to really like him.
2. He's tight with my brother (who's also a badass guitarist! hehe) so that's additional pogi points for him.
3. My dad and my uncle have gotten him drunk several times.
4. My mom likes him (and my mom's really picky when it comes to the guys that I date).
5. He spends more time at home with me.
There are a lot more things that I wish I could write...Suffice it to say that he makes me happy. And I hope he feels the same way about me. :)
Happy holidays everyone! :)
_______________________________________________
P.S. The HSBC gang's inviting me to a Christmas get-together tomorrow. And A.C. is coming. Should I go?
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| :) |
[November 24, 2008 12:20am] |
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Rico Blanco- Your Universe |
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That boy can be so sweet sometimes. :) This weekend, he surprised me TWICE. Sana ganito palagi.
You can thank your stars all you want
But I'll always be the lucky one.
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| Why does it hurt like a motherfucker? |
[November 16, 2008 10:51am] |
"Here's the truth about the truth: It hurts...so we lie."
I've been convincing myself that, in the almost 3 months that I've spent with J, everything's going fine. But lately, our fights are becoming more frequent and have progressed from petty to serious. I'm just tired of having to say I'm sorry all the time, as if everything is my fault. Sometimes, I just say sorry just to end whatever the hell it is we're fighting about. I take all the blame most of the time.
And it's not just with him...with everyone in general. I have a problem with saying 'no', and my friends, especially those who know me really well can attest to that. I just feel so unappreciated. All I want is a simple thank you for the things that I do. All I want is a little acknowledgment or reinforcement that I'm not always at fault...that I'm not always the one to blame...that I have a right to be angry...that I have a right to express what I feel.
The thing with J is, he just keeps his mouth shut. We rarely talk about these things when we're together because he avoids it. For the first time in my life, I am not being avoidant and he's the one shutting me out. There are times when I just want to give up altogether. But it's not all about pain, is it? Because I'm starting to endure things that I normally wouldn't. If it were, then I would've given up months ago and just move on with my life. I was prepared to get hurt, but I didn't think that it would be this hard...
I know it's not just me anymore. I have to think about him, too. Many times I thank my stars for giving me someone who would care for me and think of me as someone special. I am not complaining that I have someone in my life right now...but sometimes, it's just becoming...really complicated.
I love him and I can admit that to everyone now. I know I can't get past all his bluster and bullshit but I'm willing to try. I told myself this time, I WILL TRY. I won't run away. So I'll take what I can get...if love comes with hurt, risk, sacrifice, compromise, then so be it. But I don't want to put myself in a position of having to take the fall every time.
I'm tired..but I'm not giving up just yet.
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| Hands Down |
[October 30, 2008 8:31am] |
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Today was...as Dashboard Confessional would put it, "hands down, this is the best day I could ever remember." :)
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| Padaan lang...I'm still alive! Hehehe! |
[October 20, 2008 11:27pm] |
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music |
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Live- I Alone |
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I alone love you
I alone tempt you
I alone love you
Fear is not the end of this.
Ewan ko kung bakit ito ang last song syndrome ko. Astig! Hehe.
At naknangshet di pa ko nag-aaral.
I wonder if all those pictures of *toot* are real because she looks so damn gorgeous. I guess I'll just have to suspend my disbelief.
I write in short sentences now. It's his effect on me. Haha. Oh yeah, on the love front, I'm happy. He keeps me happy...and FAT!!! Hehehe! Of course, we have those occasional spats because of his "tantrums" or mood swings that ranges from happy-sad-angry all in a matter of 10 seconds! Hehe. But other than that, he's pretty cool. Ayan, pinalalagpas ko na ang mga petty things na ayaw ko sa kanya. It could only mean one thing---and it's that four-letter word that I'm not avoiding anymore. Haaay.
I really have nothing to write since the article I wrote FOR Solo has drained my verbosity and left me with fragments, short sentences, and meaningless utterance. Hehehe. Kidding! The article that I wrote is pure shit. I didn't even bother checking my facts. And I can't tell him that cos he seemed to really like the article. I guess it'll have to do for now. So much for journalistic integrity.
A very special congratulations to my friend JC for making it through Pharmacology! Yay! Don't quit now, you doof! I'll drag your ass back to school if I have to! Hahaha :)
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[October 16, 2008 12:02am] |
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It's easier not to care...but I wouldn't be hypocritical as to say that I don't give a rat's ass, that I can just let everything slide and go about my routine as if I know nothing.
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| Pour mon coeur, et a mon amour. |
[October 02, 2008 1:51am] |
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Cher mon miel,
Être dans l'amour est le sentiment le plus heureux au monde. Oui, j'admets que je suis dans l'amour et je n'ai jamais été plus heureux. J'espère juste des bouts de ce sentiment pendant longtemps…
Je t'aime, mon chéri. Vous êtes la raison pour laquelle je souris chaque matin. Vous êtes la raison pour laquelle je dors solidement la nuit. Vous êtes la raison de chaque précipitation, chaque coup à mon coeur.
Je pense que je suis vraiment tombé. Et je ne veux pas être sauvé juste pourtant…
Je t'aime.
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| AAAAAH! |
[September 20, 2008 2:26am] |
Saw Mark Agas at Coffee Bean Trinoma tonight. He was with his girlfriend.
SHET. ANG GWAPO PA RIN. And he's wearing glasses!
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| Updates and all that shiznit... |
[September 15, 2008 9:13pm] |
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music |
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Eraserheads - Huwag Kang Matakot |
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So my break's been pretty good. Got the much needed R&R I've so been longing since third year started. Finally, a respite!! My cousin Katrina arrived from the States and she's considering taking up medicine here in the Philippines. Since I was free from removals (thank God!) I did what was expected of me-- take her for a tour around my campus! Hehe. She already checked out UST-FMS, UERM and I think she likes UST the best because of its huge campus. She'll be graduating next quarter with a degree in Genetics! As Dr. Habacon puts it, "wow, bigat!".
We left for Ilocos last Wednesday to take her sight-seeing but unfortunately she was bored out of her wits. Hahahaha! The laid-back life in the province just wouldn't do for an American girl like her. Hehehehe. Our stay was fun...did what most people in the province do-- DRINK!! We let her drink a San Mig Light since she's never tasted one (lasang Budweiser daw!). Went to Vigan, took her for a stroll, rode the Minibus back to town. Twas an adventure (even for me! hehe). But the highlight of our stay was when we were invited for dinner at my auntie's friend's HUUUUUGE house that spans an ENTIRE BLOCK. The locals there call it "the white house". I swear, it's like one of the houses featured in MTV Cribs! My cousin said that it's a really nice house even for American standards. IT WAS SO HUGE (I can't stress this enough)! It was like a hotel! The best part was we were treated like royalty. Hehehe! Wish I brought my camera.
Now, I'm supposed to take her out to the clubs in Makati (Embassy, Alchemy) because that's what she really wanted to do since she set foot in Manila! Haha! But can you see me clubbing around Makati? I don't think so. =p
So, I'm back here in Fairview, helping "the boyfriend" prep for his exam. I really, really, really wish he passes this time because it would really, really, really suck if he gets left behind. My dad wants to meet him and yesterday, he threw a huge fit about not introducing J to the family. I don't want J to meet my dad just yet. Knowing my dad, he's gonna get all worked up and say things that might upset J. My dad got mad at me for not bringing him over but I have my reasons for...delaying the inevitable! Hahahahaha. It's just not yet time to meet the parents (and I don't know if I will ever let him meet my parents).
He's considerate about the way I feel towards this relationship. He knows that I still don't want to go public yet. At sana hindi muna kumalat kaagad. Like this afternoon-- RD, Leah and Regz saw us together at RNB. Putek diba? Anong kawala ko dun sa mga yun? So I just smiled, he laughed because he knows how peeved I get when I see people from school who might get the rumor mill going (well, it wouldn't be just a rumor now! hehe). So while walking, he waited until RD and Leah were a good distance away before he held my hand. AND CUADS, WALA NA ANG WITHDRAWAL REFLEX KO NGAYON! Hehehehehe! Not like before with...you know who! See, I'm trying to be a HUMAN BEING this time. =p
O yun muna. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL YET!!!
Gros bisous tout le monde! :)
P.S. Because I was bored, I googled Chris Tiu and landed on his blogspot (click me!). Hehehe! It's Ateneo vs DLSU vying for the trophy at this season's UAAP Finals. I'll be rooting for the Blue Eagles of course. :)
_________________________________
Huwag kang matakot
Dahil ang buhay mo'y walang katapusan
Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig na hawak mo sayong mga kamay
Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo
Matakot sila sayo.
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thenebula's journal
